If you watch Supernatural, the above title will be familier, if not well… go watch the show. Its amazing. I’ve been on the road alot lately, and just got back a couple days ago. Already I am eager for the next journey. Its funny how as americans we complain about the things that we are privileged to be able to do. I’m in the restless part of my life, and I can’t wait till the next leg of the trip. My life is exactly what I always wanted, photographing, traveling, drinking tons of coffee, and dreaming up the next chapter with the love of my life.
This Easter sunday I had the honor of photographing Connect Church’s Easter service, in the brand new building. It was amazing, and I wish I could post more:) They are an amazing group of people, and I’ve had the privilege of photographing a few of the events they hold. I also shot a roll of Portra 400 220, that I’m going to push a couple stops and see how it comes out. All these images are digital, processed with VSCO for LR4. I seriously love these guys at VSCO
I saw this photo Reid took of me yesterday, and got to thinking about how strange it is I’m shooting some film now, which made me think about how this all started, and where its going. I first realized I wanted to make a carrer out of being a photographer in Romania. At the time I owned a eMac, and a A510 Canon Powershot. It had a 3.1 digital sensor, a zoom lens, that stopped opening all the way, and the possibility to tell a story. I was sitting in a little hovel, in a village close to Botoshan, meeting people who barely had names, kids who had no birth certificates. I’ve always been cynical, critical of missions, humanitarian trips, the only reason I was there is because a former steel worker from new york, saw a need in me, a reason to buy me a plane ticket. He did something that I’m sure, at the time had no idea the impact it would have on my direction in life. The trip altered my view point, made a sad picture of a starving kid a reality. Romania is far from the worst place in the world, yet it was so incredibly different from my daily level of comfort, the contrast couldn’t be overlooked. The people were beautiful, and so amazingly human. For three weeks we drove around almost everyday, delivering horses, money, supplies. Anything people needed. In the third week, before we were supposed to return, we had dinner at “Buffy’s Pizza” with the owner of the orphanage. She was our constant guide and translator, a plump, brash woman, who the children all called mother. She had a hard way about her, but her love of the people, and the God she served was unmistakable. We left and said goodnight. The next morning we found out she has passed away minutes after we had left the restaurant. Her heart gave out. The police brought her body to the church, and it stayed there for three days until the funeral was prepared. Those three days the weeping never ceased, a constant sound in the orphanage. A harsh reminder to a young American like myself, or the reality of death, and the fact that this woman, was leaving the world, and these kids, worse off. The day of the funeral came, and after a wake, they took her body, and a procession of 3,000 people walked down the street to the cemetery. These people had come from all around Romania, and the countries that bordered to lay her to rest. I watched as the kids from the orphanage cried, the older ones comforting the younger. The speeches were long, and even though I could only make out a few latin words now and then, beautiful. I called my parents that night, and bailed my eyes out. To a 19 year old, the reality of life, and death, had never been so real, and even though I barely new these people, in three weeks I was a different person. I don’t say that lightly, I know in my deepest place, that this is true, that were I am today, and my need to document, write, photograph my life, and the life of those around me came from this trip. I haven’t been on another missions trip since, I don’t really know why, other than part of me doesn’t feel ready. Someday I will go see those people again, and when I do, there won’t be a better photographer in the world to tell that story.
All images taken on Canon Powershot A510, Edited jpegs with VSCO film
About a week ago Rachel and I found a crazy awesome deal on the Mamiya AF 645, a camera that I’ve been eyeing for awhile, but hadn’t intended on buying anytime soon. It was too good to pass up though, so I bought it, complete with Sekonic L-358 lightmeter, and about 15 rolls of film. I was beyond excited, and can’t wait to shoot more with this camera. I drug Rachel outside and we shot 1 roll of Portra 400 yesterday, got it processed at a local lab. They did an ok job, not someone I’d use for paid work, but decent. I’m so ridiculously new to this film thing, and am pretty much reading Jonathan Canalas FIND book like its the bible. Can’t wait to post more stuff from this camera:) Enjoy.
Its been one of those weeks. I am finally wrapping my head around the idea that its a New Year. This is a fact widely accepted, but for me its different. This is not just a new year in the since of the calendar, or the date. Its a new everything, a reckoning time. Some of the readers here might not realize that I have for the past few years I worked at a Bagel shop. I got the job just when Photography was barely on my radar. It was a great job, while I spent the rest of my waking hours pouring over everything and anything photography related. It helped me buy lenses I didn’t need, try things I shouldn’t, and otherwise walk in circles trying to figure out who I was as an artist. I got up for work each morning at 3am, and got off before noon each day, giving me alot of time to waste. I quit at the end of last month. Told my boss that if all worked out, he would be the last “Boss” I ever have.
The other big change was moving, Bozeman has been my home in Montana, and in truth I never felt at home there. Don’t get me wrong, Bozeman is awesome, but since I wasn’t going to collage, and didn’t love sking or showboarding, I always felt a bit out of sorts there. Those feelings intensified since last fall, when I started traveling alot, it seemed like every month, and it continues. Vegas, Laguna Beach, Vegas again, Denver, Portland, Cannon Beach, Bosie, Seattle, and now Sacramento in a week. The feeling of restlessness grows each day. God has shown me just how limited I was in my small world. Which is why I finally moved to the Flathead valley… more on that later.
Long story short, I quit my “day job” moved to a new town, and said goodbye to alot of things. If you’ve read this blog for long you know that Jon and I are always talking about how much our lives are like a good TV show. Last week Jons wedding was the stage for a awesome season finale, probably the best, and biggest we’ve had yet. We are just getting into a new season, new sets, cast members and changes. This will be my first year as a full time Photographer, and honestly I’ve never been more scared, but God is faithful, and I’m a blessed man.
Photos taken on portra 160, Bronica Etrsi, and a Yashica fx-3
I ain’t lookin’ for a free ride home, back to the middle,
I need a new locale, I need a girl that calls me baby,
I need to know if she can save me.
I need somewhere I can drive all night, out into the darkness,
Follow the headlights down, I’ve got know if they can take me,
Ive gotta know if they can save me.
Shot these today in downtown Kalispell, with Rachel Lynn Photography and Andrew’s girlfriend Jessica. Met up at Colter Coffee (Love that place) then walked around downtown to see what we could get. Andrew is a talented musician, and I love working with other Artists. He is also a master of “Smolder” a look that while it may melt the heart of many a fair maiden, was not the look we where going for:) I love a challenge, and I think we got some awesome stuff. Its always fun to shoot something a little different, and I’ve been wanting to shoot more music and bands. Rachel has pointed out that I tend to really like the darker moody images, which is one reason I love shooting with Her, she balances me out:) Its always awesome to see how someone else can see something totally different in the same place and time.
Did I mention he also has a drink named after him? Go to City Brew in kalispell and order a “Hot Sweeney”.
This is my take on the shoot I did yesterday with Chris Rebo and Josh Lockie. Chris has a blog post up here: Rebo Blog Check it out. Its always fun when we all do a shoot together to see what everybody got, and how different it can be. Some of these were shot on Chris’s 35L 1.4, the lens I catch myself stealing glances at across the room. It was a little off on the calibration with my camera, but I still like the images. Let me know what you think in the Comments:)
HUGE thanks to Ashley, the model, and Erin the MUA for the day. Amazing job both of you!
Been awhile since I just had a personal post. Been super busy, and I have lots to explain and tell, as many of you who follow the blog know (Wink)
Mostly I’m writing this post because of a random thought that came to me this morning at 4am. I felt a heavy need to speak on what I’ve learned about fear in this past year, and hopefully something in this rant will relate to you:)
Fear in many ways is the opposite of Love, sometimes in our walk it can even distort love itself, turning it into something else entirely. Fear of losing, fear of failing, fear of being alone. I have a fear of Phones, hate the little suckers. Thats trivial, but still, fear. Fear can also be a good motivator, if seen for what it really is, nothing pushes me harder than the fear of not doing what I was created to, but in that same moment a great danger lies. I realized about a year ago that I had become friends with my fear, he was a companion I’d walked with so long, been through so much with, and in a twisted since he had given me my name, part of my identity. You see, I wasn’t living to be what I was created to be, I was in the process of crafting myself into what I thought I should be. I wasn’t listening to the creator, at least not most of the time, and I most of all was not free. Fear had chained Himself to me, all the while assuring me that it was for the best. Freedom was a strange concept, something I could see on paper, but shamefully had never experienced myself. It didn’t seem all bad, fear was reliable, always there to talk, and justify my choices. Its one of those moments in life when you’ve already decided what you want to do, so the next step is finding someone who agrees. Its not hard, someone always turns up, and misery loves company. The worst part is even sometimes when we talk about “Conquering our Fears” we are still sitting in the room with him, sipping our tea and not really moving forward, we love seeing others do it, move beyond it, “Take charge!” but all the while we sit, comfortable with a familiar friend. Second guessing our choices into oblivion. Stop it, get up, walk out, and get over it. You know what you are called to do, same as everyone else. Walk. Keep walking, don’t stop.
As Christians we are called to be fearless, to walk boldly into a throne room that is now Home. Jesus didn’t just die to save us from sin, but more so to put us back where we always should have been, as Children of God. As a Son of the Most High, I see no reason why I should ever be fearful. A good friend reminded me of a quote ”Humility is to make a right estimate of oneself.” – Charles H. Spurgeon. I am only who I am because of God, and the only fear I should ever have is being on the wrong side of His wrath.
Needless to say, Fear and I are on a break, probably for good, we see less and less of each other each day, and I’m finding I just don’t have the time or patience anymore to deal with Him.
We all walk through the Valley, just make sure you don’t set up camp there.
No picture today, just a song that inspired this thought, buy this album, is thats all this post does then it was successful :)
All images taken on Canon Powershot A510, Edited jpegs with VSCO film
